I’ve been wanting to do a post on this common phrase for a long time now.
Originally, I just wanted it to be included as a subheading for common phrases we use that can be detrimental to each of us. However, the more I thought about it, the more I realized I had an issue with including it in a post like that.
My issue: I wanted to share how hurtful saying ‘I can’t’ is to our progress. If we already think we can’t do something, we’ve technically already lost at it. BUT there is a flipside to this phrase that I just couldn’t shake and it seemed counterintuitive to just add a notation at the bottom of that section in a blog post.
The flipside: Saying ‘I can’t’ to things that are no longer serving you is the opposite of stunting your growth. It is empowering! It is also a relief when you finally say that you can’t do something that you don’t really want to do in the first place. Maybe you felt obligated to do something and only said yes in the first place for that reason. Do you see a theme of people-pleasing on this blog? Haha!
With all that being said, I decided to instead give this phrase its very own blog post to talk about just how powerful the phrase is – no matter which way you use it! If you tell yourself you can’t do something, it’s powerful enough to stop you from making any progress. If you turn something down because of any reason at all, it is powerful enough to remove yourself from that particular situation. Those words hold some weight!
I think the reason behind me really wanting to point out the flipside of this phrase is two-fold: I don’t really see anyone talking about how empowering it can be to turn things down, and I’ve been going through a lot lately that has opened my eyes to this fact.
When It’s Detrimental
Oftentimes, we’ve been conditioned to stay within the limits that our mind has created for us – or even that others have set for us, that we are close to. If we’re told that we can’t do something, we tend to believe that. That goes for the same whether it’s someone else telling us we can’t, or if it’s coming from our own selves.
I took a deep dive into some of the self-imposed limits that hold us back in this post, and you’ll find ‘I can’t’ to be the first on my list!
That’s for good reason, friends! I think as we grow, we learn that everything starts with us. While there are things that are outside of our control, we are always responsible for what we think, say, etc. You have to be in your corner, cheering yourself on just as much as those who love you are doing that very same thing. If you tear yourself down, you are only holding yourself back from the things that you want the most.
When It’s Empowering
Truthfully, the first time I said ‘I can’t’ a few weeks ago (thanks to the help of my husband), it felt anything but empowering. I spent a couple of weeks before an event trying to determine if I was just going to push myself through something extra like I always do, or if I was going to explain I just couldn’t take on one more thing right now.
Ultimately, I went back to basics and decided to just simplify my schedule as best as possible. Once I got through the initial conversation of letting someone know I couldn’t do it, I felt relieved. That’s not quite empowered, but that came afterwards. The closer the days got to that event, the more thankful I was that I was able to say no and not put myself in that position.
Life has been a whirlwind lately of taking care of loved ones, and I really couldn’t handle the extra stress at the time. I’m thankful that I prioritized my health. It’s something I usually put last even though I always share with you all about how important this truly is. I promise I try to follow my own advice, it just doesn’t always come naturally, haha!
That’s a wrap, friends! I’d love to hear what you think about this blog post, and what your experiences have been like with this phrase!
This is such a good post! it’s so true too, we can use the phrase to beat ourselves up and think we aren’t good enough – or use it to help us craft the life we want so we have time and space to say I can to the things that are really important! 🙂
Hope you had a wonderful weekend 🙂
Thank you so much, Mica! 🙂 Yes, I love the way you described it (crafting a life we want)!
My weekend went well, and I hope yours did too, my friend! Wishing you a wonderful week!
Beautiful post. Thanks for sharing.
Annie,
Annies Food Diary
Thank you so much for reading, Annie! 🙂
Thank you for sharing this! I truly believe reframing phrases can help program ourselves to think more positively. For example, when I don’t want to work out, instead of saying I don’t want to, I rephrase it to say I get to. And that simple change automatically helps me switch my mood 🙂
https://www.mariannyc.com/the-maker-hotel/
I absolutely love that perspective, Mariann! It’s amazing how flipping the script can be so simple, yet so powerful!! Thanks so much for checking out my post, and I hope you have a wonderful day!
I love this – this is so inspiring and motivating! I’ve been working on something similar. I’ve stopped myself from saying mean things – like, “oh, I am so lazy, not smart, etc”. It’s been a bit hard but I can definitely see my self-esteem going up!
Demi | https://demibang.com/
Thank you so much, Demi! It makes my heart happy that you found this post to be helpful! I love how you’re flipping the script – that is amazing! I know how difficult it can be to sort of retrain your brain to not be so negative towards yourself. It is life changing when we start doing it though, and am so glad to hear that you’re seeing results!
Hope you’re having a wonderful weekend!
This is such a great post topic! I always see the phrase as a negative. I love how you turned it around!
Jill – Doused in Pink
Aww, thanks so much Jill! It’s definitely a perspective shift. 🙂
I love that you looked at both angles for this Ashley. Which is really very synonymous with life in general, right?? There’s always a pro and con for everything.
OXOX
Jodie
http://www.jtouchofstyle.com
Thanks so much, Jodie! You are so right – there truly are two sides to everything and we can always lean to the extreme on one side or another.
Wishing you a wonderful week ahead! 🙂
I am so glad that you shared the flip side of can’t. I feel bad sometimes for saying that but it’s so important to take care of ourselves. That’s why I said I can’t do Instagram right now. Praying that things get more manageable at home. You are such a blessing to your family and us readers!
https://www.kathrineeldridge.com
I can completely relate, friend! While I feel like I’m getting a bit better at saying it for my health, it still stings when I do. I’m so happy for you that you said ‘I can’t’ to IG and can’t wait to hear how it feels overall, after a couple of weeks has passed! I’m praying for you tons and I truly think it will be a beneficial change! Thank you SO much for your sweet words, you are such a blessing to me! 🙂
This is such an important post. I know how empowering it can be when we need admit that we can’t do something but after that initial moment come relief. In today world where we all the time listen you can do whatever you want it is very hard admit when we can’t do something but it is important that we be honest to ourselfs and admit when we can and we can’t do something.
Thank you so much! I completely agree with you. It is very tough initially, but there is something so refreshing about being transparent and open with others.
Great post – and a good way to look at things! Often we have to push through out ‘I can’t’s, but sometimes, it can be freeing. http://skylish.co.uk
Thank you so much, Kemi! I truly appreciate it! 🙂
This was so interesting to read. “I can’t” definitely can have huge impact either positive, or negative, depending on the situation and I totally get your point.
https://www.ninakobi.com
So happy you enjoyed this post, Nina! Thank you so much!
Oh I hear you. The more you do, the more people will walk all over you. The place I work at is on another level, really unbelievable. All the laws that are being broken. I recently found out that a male coworker was making a third more doing the same job and was threatened by the owner not to say anything about the raise that if he did he would be fired. And I was taking on more and more responsibilities and doing more work. Yup you just get walked all over. He was ultimately fired, they told us it was all the mistakes he made and that he was too difficult….
Yes, it can definitely turn into being taken advantage of and it is so sad. I have so many people-pleasing tendencies that I am trying to work through. I do love to help, but there’s definitely a line there that can be crossed. I’m so sorry you have to experience that in your workplace, that is terrible! I’m glad to hear he was finally fired, but such a joke that they would try to stop you from standing up for yourself. I’ve been in a similar scenario at an old workplace, and it is a very tough spot to be in. I truly hope it gets better for you – you don’t deserve that!
I loved reading this. I think a lot of people feel like they have to please others, or can’t say no but reality is, you have to take care of you. And it is ok to only do what you’re willing to take.
https://www.bauchlefashion.com
You are so right, Heather! We each have to take care of ourselves. Sometimes that comes at a cost as far as not being able to do certain things for others, but it is more than worth it for our peace of mind. And thank you so much, I’m so happy you loved this post!
It’s so important to be able to set boundaries like this- but I agree, it can be so scary and it can feel anything but empowering when you’re doing it. I loved this post, babe!
-Ashley
Aww, thanks so much Ashley! So happy you loved this one and you are absolutely right, it’s very important to set those boundaries!
This was beautiful and very insightful . I also saw a quote shared on Facebook a while ago that said something like not saying no when we mean it leads to more problems than saying yes to something we don’t really want to do (I forget the exact words). I guess the point is to be authentic without limiting ourselves.
I definitely get where you’re coming from on the quote, Priti! It’s very true, it is all about being true to ourselves even if that means saying no to others’ requests, at times. Thank you so much, I’m so glad you enjoyed this post!
I truly think you go above and beyond in helping others and saying no to some things is ok if it helps to clear your schedule a little to get your own important things done and to give you just some time to breath. Then as a result you can be even better/rested/recharged on those days when you are taking care of others in your family. Plus, in some situations I think it is hard to say no, but if it is something where you really don’t ‘have’ to be there and it is something you are just not excited to do anymore (and you’re feeling burned out on life), it is best to say no and focus on refueling yourself.
Carrie
curlycraftymom.com
Thank you SO much, my dear friend! You know a lot of my struggles and this comment means so much. 🙂 I am finding that taking a step back from a lot of things has helped me mentally, and even physically. It’s still tough to a degree when I’m trying to prioritize things I want/need to get done, but I do think I’m a ton better for it.
This is a great post! I honestly think saying “I can’t” is so important sometimes to set boundaries and look after yourself x
mia // https://miasdiyprojects.com/
Thank you so much, Mia! It truly is so important, and can really help us to be better versions of ourselves just setting those boundaries.
Hope you’re doing great as well as your loved ones. Yeah it’s an everyday battle with “I can’t”. Saying it and believing it really restricts us from achieving our highest potential.
http://www.fashionradi.com
Aww, thank you Radi! We are all doing well for the most part. 🙂 I hope the very same for you and yours! The phrase can definitely have that power, and it can be such a vicious cycle to break – but thankfully, we can get better with it. It just takes a lot of work.
such an interesting post, i learned a lot from this.
JULIE ANN LOZADA BLOG
INSTAGRAM: @julieann_lozada
I’m so happy to hear that, Julie! Thank you so much!
Wonderful and Lovely Post dear! xoxo
Allurerage
Thetrendybride
Thanks so much, Jennifer!
Awesome ❤️
Your creativity is inspiring !
Nice article, thanks for sharing this!
Diana
http://www.ferbena.com
Thanks so much, Diana! 🙂
Thinking positively is important <3 Have a great weekend <3
Yes it is, Kinga, it really helps! Thanks so much and I hope you’re having a beautiful week! 😊